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Some things just don’t go quite according to plan. You can have the best intentions in the world, make as many declarations to The Universe or God or your next door neighbour as you like and it can still explode in your face like a shaken up bottle of kombucha.

I have a confession to make.

I ahhhhh, kinda broke my cleanse. Bugger.

girl falling over

So what the hell happened?

Well I started on a high on Thursday with lots of juicing, raw salads, roasted veggies, herbal tea and yoga. I had a huge emotional release at yoga (aka balled my eyes out) and meditated under the full moon (like a proper hippie) to completely let go of some old baggage. I’ll write more about this experience soon.

Friday was a winner too. I got to 6am yoga before work and replaced my standard Friday evening red wine and chocolate with herbal tea and raw cacao pudding. (Fist pump!) I’ve been reading and journalling and still haven’t checked instagram, Facebook or my emails on my phone. Great.

But I’m pretty sure that the glass of wine I had Saturday night and the mushroom and bacon risotto (with extra parmesan) I had for dinner last night, followed by a few rows of dark chocolate weren’t exactly in my cleanse plan.

Nothing that’s going to kill me sure, but being the curious being I am, I have to wonder WHY it is exactly I diverted from my initial intention to avoid the nasties for a week. Why did I resort to comfort eating?

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Well, I figure Saturday knocked me for six. I’m currently working casually in a job that really doesn’t feed my soul. If I’m honest, it does the exact opposite. I left work Saturday feeling drained, emotionally and physically. So instead of driving straight home, I drove to the beach. I got there just as the sun was setting.

I sneakily took my work stockings off from underneath my dress and squelched my feet into the sand. I sat there and watched the sun go down, watched couples walk past me, barefoot and holding hands. With their dogs.

I felt really, really lonely.

I got home to an empty house and attempted Plan B. Herbal tea and a headstand against the wall. No good. I had a shower. No good either.

Now what did I say in my cleanse PDF about doing things you LOVE to do? 

Well I did exactly that. I turned Bob Dylan on, poured a glass of wine and cooked the most delicious (definitely not gluten free) vegetarian pizza I reckon I’ve ever made. I danced around the house, drank my glass of red and I have to admit it, I felt better.

pizza
Maybe it wasn’t the wine, but maybe it was. Maybe it was just doing something I loved after a day of doing the complete opposite.

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So I got up Sunday morning and had an extra big carrot, watermelon and mint juice and went for a big walk. But I couldn’t shake this feeling. I felt unsatisfied and unsure. All day I felt stressed about my job, about money, what I was going to do and trying to figure it all out.

So what has all this got to do with quinoa porridge or mushroom and bacon risotto for that matter?

Well, as I study to become a Health Coach, I’m learning all about nourishment. As human beings, we desire essential nourishment such as love, achievement, intimacy, fun, success, self-expression, happiness, connection, creativity, spirituality and adventure. This is primary food.

I’m learning that we find our primary food in the form of healthy relationships, a fulfilling career, physical exercise and a spiritual practice. When one of these elements is out of whack, we often turn to secondary food, the stuff you put in your gob, to fill the void.

Make sense?

And so I did exactly that. I cooked the King of Comfort Food, a buttery, bacon-y, cheese-y risotto (and bought a block of chocolate) to cheer myself up, because quite frankly, I’m essentially unhappy in my current job and frequently becoming quite lonely. Living on the other side of the country from my friends and most of my family probably isn’t helping that one.

But it is what it is. There’s no pity party happening here, nor any guilt.

There is a sore belly though. So I got up this morning, did all my weird cleansing rituals, made a fresh veggie juice and threw together this delicious, warm, grounding quinoa porridge. Gluten free. Dairy free. Proteins and fats from the quinoa, chia and coconut cream. Red apple and goji berries to soothe my base chakra. Soul food.

quinoa porridge


Simmer 1/2 cup of quinoa and 1 cup of water, covered for 15 minutes. Top with coconut cream, diced apple, goji berries and chia seeds. Too easy. 

And I’m back on track. And more aware now that my primary food needs a bit of love and attention. I can’t go devouring a block of chocolate every time I feel a bit down.

Time to work on more connection and contentment in my life. Update my resume. Make this slice. Call my best friend. And maybe down a few more carrot, celery and ginger juices tomorrow.

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Can you relate to this? Do you ever turn to food for comfort? What do you do to get back on track? Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!

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