I’ve learnt a lot of things recently.
Some of these things are useful. Some not so much, like the fact that White-Out is actually available in a range of colours, frozen bananas are seriously delicious on 40 degree days and Perth folk don’t tend to use blinkers whilst driving. Actually those last two are quite useful. Anyway. One of the more useful things I’ve learnt is that procrastination is sometimes life just waiting until the moment is right.
Just waiting until what needs to be learnt has been learnt and until you are really ready. Sometimes it’s easy to feel blocked, frustrated and confused as to why procrastination seems to be stopping you from moving forward and getting things done. Why is everything so distracting and nothing productive occurring?! I felt this way about this blog for a little while.
This blog has been in the works for about half a year now.
I initially intended it to be a blog aimed at 20-somethings who were interested in healthy eating and wellness, travel and creativity, all without blowing the bank. Searching for the best things in life, without spending too much money. I brainstormed and drafted blog posts, but it never got off the ground. It never felt right. I didn’t have a good enough computer, I struggled finding a good web host, I signed up for the wrong WordPress and I kept making excuses as to why the launch date kept being pushed back. And back again.
Last October I set myself three intentions for the rest of 2012. They were:
- Let my inner health nut and self-loving yogi shine
- Pay off my credit card and save for my New Zealand trip
- Launch a beautiful and inspiring blog
By the 31st December 2012, I had done none of these things. But that didn’t matter.
My life changed on the 17th of December last year.
I woke up to a phone call from my sister, who told me our brother had been involved in a motorcycle accident in Perth (where he lives) and that he was in a coma. As the eldest, I have always been fiercely protective of my younger siblings, particularly my baby bro who has always kept us on our toes with his adrenaline-fuelled antics and love of motorbikes.
My parents flew to Perth that afternoon and called that night to let us know that the Doctors weren’t confident Sam would wake up. My Dad told us we needed to fly over as soon as possible. The next morning my three sisters and I flew from Melbourne to Perth to be with our brother and almost 10 weeks on, we are still here. Sam is still in a coma. Our lives have changed dramatically and indefinitely.
I’m telling you all of this, because I want to be real, authentic and honest from day one.
My world has been both rocked and revolutionised. Everything has changed. Our lives have come to a halt. There is no acceptance because there is nothing to accept. We have no idea what the next few days, weeks, months or years are going to bring. I wake up everyday and for a brief second I forget what has happened. Once reality inevitably sinks in, the healing begins all over again.
During this time in Perth I’ve felt anger, sadness, desperation, guilt, confusion, anxiety and stress. I’ve felt physical reactions to emotional pain that I have never experienced in my life. But I’ve also felt gratitude, happiness, freedom, openness and awakening.
Where I have normally found positivity to come quite easily, I’ve had to force positive thoughts to counteract the darkness that threatens daily to take over my mind. Some days I am just over it and want to say a big fuck you to the universe. And sometimes I do. Other days my compassion levels are at such an all time high that any stories of loss or pain will turn me into a blubbering mess. It’s exhausting.
But what I have also learnt is that healing is the key.
I don’t want to succumb to negativity and depressing thoughts and behaviours. That’s just not me. So everyday I begin the process of healing all over again. Perth has healed me. The ocean has healed me. Yoga, meditation, prayer, reiki, crystals, kinesiology and eating crazy healthy has healed me. Reading, writing, walking, listening to music, drawing, exploring, reaching out and looking in has healed me.
Which is where This is Lifeblood has now evolved to.
My passions remain the same, but I truly believe that healing is the key to creating true happiness and a beautiful life. So while I felt I was procrastinating in not having my blog launched by the end of 2012, in fact it just wasn’t quite there yet. Things needed to happen for it to evolve and grow and become authentic. Things have felt easier now that I am motivated by authenticity; I have a new computer, a great web host, the right people keep appearing at the right time and writing just feels right.
I want to help others and create a place of inspiration, healing and community.
As a family, we have received so much love and support from our friends and family back home and around the world and this has been pivotal to us keeping it together. Every little message, email, phone call, package, hug, visit, prayer and thought have been received with boundless gratitude and thanks. The community behind us is so strong and it makes us stronger, knowing that we are apart of it and that it’s there when we need it. The power of community is just superb.
And my other intentions for 2012?
During the last 3 months of last year, I think I reluctantly made it to 2 yoga classes. Since being in Perth I’ve found myself on the mat at the local studio 4 times a week. And I’ve never devoured so many green smoothies and salads in my life. I’ve been cooking up a storm and it has been so nourishing and therapeutic for me. I’ve found it easy to pay money off my credit card with gratitude (and a cheeky smile) and while the trip to New Zealand with my bro obviously didn’t eventuate, I have never been more inspired to travel again.
Don’t lose faith. Grab it with both hands, lock on and hold bloody tight.
If you are feeling like procrastination is stopping you from achieving your goals, or nothing feels quite right then maybe it isn’t. Yet. Trust the process. Look for the lessons and just let it go. And whatever you do, don’t let suffering defeat you. I promise that I won’t either.